Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
