I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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