Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
there is glitter all over my balls
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