I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
