can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize