Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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