I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
