Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
