Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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