theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
