Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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