she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
