My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
