the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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