It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
