Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
