Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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