The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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