YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
