Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
