I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
