So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
