i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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