I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
