Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
