no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
