be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
zippers are such a cool invention
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
