i just sent this text using only my big toe
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
