Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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