I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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