my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My feet surprised me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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