That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
