I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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