I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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