you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
