Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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