you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
