nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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