if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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