It was confusing and full of hummus
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
