watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
