from now on my penis is your penis
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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