no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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