i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
