Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
