Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There r osticjed everywhere
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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