I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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