i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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