i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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