People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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