Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
