I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He felt like a one man threesome
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
