This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
