party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
