She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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