dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.