we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you