i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just google imaged poop.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.