I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.