he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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