Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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