Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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