smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
